Looking Back....

There are some years you are ready to leave behind. Not that everything about this year was bad or hard. There were so many amazing and exciting moments but there were also some very hard moments. Why is that the hard moments are so much easier to remember than the good. Because they were hard? Because you are wishing them away? I don’t want to dwell on the bad but I will share a little of what was going on within our walls. Our New Year always starts out with a bang! It’s meet season which means traveling and a busy schedule. With Noah and Mason both competing last year it was extra busy but fun. We got to take our first trip to Chicago and we took the whole family! This was tons of fun and the pizza wasn’t bad either 😏. We had so much fun exploring and walking the city...truly trying to experience the big city. We get to go back in a couple of weeks and we are excited to return! The boys had a great season as as always this momma loves watching any of her boys do what they love. 

Early spring brought on some difficult trials. Noah’s trip to the hospital that resulted in an ambulance ride to Vanderbilt and surgery to follow was the beginning of some difficult moments, months and time for us. For Noah the trauma didn’t stop when we left the hospital. We’ve had months of intense anxiety and worry. Moments where we just sat and cried together and all I could do was hold him until he finally calmed down. Moments of complete terror for him and helplessness for me. Nothing I could do could make these moments better and we just had to wait them out. I’ve prayed with him, for him and over him. Begging God to take this from him and give it to me. My happy go lucky child has become a constant worrier. Chewing his food and spitting it out in fear the same thing would happen again. Completely scared and worried about so many things...some so insignificant to the normal person but became obsessive for him. He has coping mechanisms...and when one passes another begins. I can only hope that with time and of course lots of prayer the anxiety and worry will subside.  That he will get relief from this and somehow get past the trauma of what he went through. So if you think of him pray for my sweet boy! Our episodes have been fewer and further between since we have moved. The crying for 2 hours and begging for it to just go away. The episodes of convincing himself something was wrong until the point he made himself sick. These episodes have gotten so much better. He still has worry and anxiety over every little thing. He still has issues with eating and spits food out afraid he will get choked. Sometimes these moments happen out of the blue and others I can see them coming. Our God is good! My boy is here and he is well and for that I am so thankful. Things could have been so much worse. 

The boys keep us moving. Mason with gymnastics. Jack has started CrossFit and is loving it. I love seeing him find something he enjoys. Dylan is still climbing all he can, working at Publix and he is a senior this year. So many emotions about that. He started his first college classes this past fall and is loving it. My baby is growing up but I love seeing them in this stage of life. There has also been massive growth in our family and growth I’m talking height 😂. Dylan is around 5’11 and Mason has caught him. Mason has gone from about 5’7 to 5’11 this year along with Jack shooting up about 3” in the last couple of months. They are all towering over me!

And...we finished the last months of the year with a huge move! We sold our house and moved into our RV. I’ve been asked so many times...how’s that working for ya? 🤭. Maybe it isn’t meant to be sarcastic but comes across that way 😬. Actually, it’s been great...very freeing! We sold most everything we own. We still have a 10 x 10 storage unit with some items that will be evaluated come springtime but for the most part we sold all of our household contents and moved into the RV...only having on hand the things we truly need. We have spent a lot of time in Cookeville with the holidays and as much time as we can in East Tennessee. We are looking forward to springtime and what that will look like for us being full time in the RV. You only live once...might as well go for it. Quit wishing and waiting and thinking and debating. Just go for it! Go try that new job. Sell your stuff...you can always buy more. Take that trip you’ve always wanted to take. For us we felt like a slave to our house. A slave to the upkeep, yard work, cleaning and clutter. No doubt the lifestyle we are choosing isn’t for everyone but there is something out there you have always thought about doing. Go for it! 

Here’s to 2019! We kickoff the New Year with an 18 year old. There is no better way to spend the New Year than remembering that precious day he arrived. Praying this year we are a blessing wherever we are. That we embrace time and opportunities as a family. That we are intentional with our time. That we are careful with our words. That we are encouraging and uplifting with one another and others. That we laugh often. Pray without ceasing. Not take ourselves too serious and just enjoy life. Live it. Embrace it. Love it. ~ Blessings to you in the New Year

The Orchestra Is Playing Our Song...

It’s 3 a.m and I am wide awake and in complete awe of what has transpired over the last few days. We set out in complete disbelief that anything would happen only to see God’s orchestra play. As if he was waiting for us to take that one step in order to set the instruments in motion. The music started playing and one after another they all came into perfect tune together. I close my eyes....I see him with his arms in motion in front of that orchestra. Pointing here and there as if to say your turn...now yours. My God is magnificent❤️

Some will call us crazy...mainly my family. That’s ok! What we are setting out to do is a life of less. Less junk...less stuff...less want and setting out on a journey of more time...more freedom...more life...and more adventure.  Things won’t be perfect but they aren’t perfect inside the four walls we call home now. There will be days ...and there are those “days” now. Yes we will still work jobs and run our businesses but it will be just tweaked a bit! Our kids still do their normal things for now...life still happens. Our family will be mobile. We are simplifying “our” way of being for this time in our life. How long will it last? I don’t know 6 months..1 year...6 years...20 years? Whatever it is I’m going to embrace it. They sell houses everyday! The sell stuff everyday! We may never go back to sticks and bricks. I don’t know! So the awesome part...still in shock part ...is we listed our house on Friday and got our first offer on Saturday. I mean what? Final offer agreed upon on Tuesday. We come from a list of having houses that sat on the market for year(s). Complete awe and disbelief! Well guess what...I’ve had my car for sale for a month also. What day did someone show up at my house to buy my car out of the blue...Tuesday. David and I flat out hit our knees and praised God! We didn’t just wake up last Friday and say ...hey let’s sell everything we own and be nomads 😂. Although some will think that 😳. There was much time and thought and prayer over this decision. Prayer over our children and the impact or devastation it would have on them. They are excited ...ok 3 our of 4 are excited. The 4th is coming around. What a memory they will have and what stories to tell their children and grandchildren one day. At worst they can say “my parents were crazy and made us...”🤣...we will embrace that too. What good is life without a little crazy mixed in to all this serious business. Life is complicated and hard enough...we just want to lessen the load. Feed our souls. Expand our minds. Dream with our eyes and most of all LISTEN! We’ve only just begun. Stay tuned!

We’ve Only Just Begun...

Isn’t it so true the older we get the days, weeks, months get shorter and shorter. Here recently I’ve been somewhat dwelling on this. I turn around on Thursday and I’m like...goodness

another week just flew by. There are lots of things in this life that get us thinking but for us this has really been settling in hard in our thoughts and conversations around the house. I guess part of it is Dylan will be 18 in a few “short” months. Mason soon to turn 16...I mean they should still be babies right? We talk about life and dreams. Things we thought we would do before our kids started leaving the nest and BAM 💥💥 we are here. Not that we are kicking him out anytime soon unless he’s ready to go fly on his own but ya know...my first baby will be 18! We thought there would be more adventures to take before this time came and man ...we are here! In the thick of emotions and wanting to turn back time just a little. Time is precious. A commodity not to be taken lightly or for granted. David lost his dad at the age of 60. S-I-X-T-Y... David is 45. You better believe there are days we feel like we are wasting. Not living to the potential God put us on this earth for. Slaves to a lot of things ...house payments, car payments, insurance premiums...doing all you can to stay ahead of the game of life. We’ve decided it’s time to live. It’s time to go after those dreams that were shoved to the side. The dreams that society tells you aren’t possible. The things that nobody does because you are supposed to own that house, those cars, have that high paying job... the bigger the better right. Adventure is out there! Life is out there! Unless you are privy to winning the lottery people don’t just take off and go travel, see, explore...LIVE! We feel like its all backwards. Life is now with our kids while they are young-ish. Life is now because we don’t know what tomorrow will bring. Will we have a tomorrow? We put a lot of stress on ourselves with jobs we don’t love, bills we loathe and houses we work ourselves to death to keep clean. Maybe we don’t need so much. Maybe when you have less ...you actually have more. Just maybe....we’ve only just begun. Stay tuned!

Okay isn’t courageous..

I feel I have abandoned my blog. It’s been a year 😳 since I last wrote. WOW! Time flies...life is crazy...busy, stressful, new jobs, new businesses, homeschooling...but when I looked back on my last two entries I realized how much I miss writing. Good or bad I don’t care..if it helps someone else like it helps me then it’s a win! Most of the time there is no direction with this blog simply our life, what we are going through. Sometimes it a whole entry on something I heard...that’s what brought me here today. 

We were watching a show a couple days ago and someone said “Worry is a bully. It only takes and never gives.” This was profound to me. I had never thought of worry as a bully but this has stuck with me. It is so true! Worry...worry has ALWAYS been something I’ve struggled with. I remember it being exacerbated when David’s Dad died of cancer. After that every ache and pain anyone had..not just me..i found myself in worry and fear. For a long time it was not a good place. Not a peaceful place. At times now I find myself right back there in an instant. It’s frightening, overwhelming and a helpless feeling. Knowing at that time I have to seek God. I have to seek his truth because those feeling are not of Him. I always say I know how the devil likes to come after me. He knows our weaknesses and loves to aggravate and agitate us in those areas. God brought me through some very difficult times of depression and feeling of inadequacy. I had lost a lot of joy in my life. Dwelling on the “what if’s” instead of the blessing in front of me. 

The last six months or so have been a time of wandering. Yes “wandering” ...not “wondering”. Feeling that our direction is supposed to shift. That we are supposed to be moving in a different direction but let’s be honest we get comfortable. But in that comfortable there has been great animosity of feeling uncomfortable. Make sense? 😂 We has gotten so comfortable with the day to day that we found ourselves looking at each other and asking the question “what are we doing?”. Not liking the place we are in because we stopped seeking. We stopped listening. We stopped searching. We gave up... so where do we go? Great thing about my God is he never gives up on me. He’s a very patient God but sometimes he has to shake us up to wake us up. For us it’s time to wake up. It’s time to get back to the root of His plan for us. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t know what that is. I will never know until I seek, ask and give him control. I will never know until I lay it all at his feet and say “here it is Lord”. I am yours. I may have been wandering but as long as I wander back to Him is all that matters. It’s so easy to become complacent...it’s not always easy to step out in faith. God gave me 4 beautiful boys to raise into men...Is that my sole reason for walking this earth? Maybe! But maybe there is something else...I sure don’t want to miss out on every possibility he has for me. It’s time to quit giving up on those bold prayers we had prayed for so long. It’s time to quit giving up on what’s next. It’s time to quit being okay with where we are. Okay isn’t courageous ❤️