Overwhelmed...

Today I sat on my little swing on the back porch and was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by what? Tears just started to fall. Like an urgency I needed to be close to my father. My Heavenly Father. To feel his presence to know he was there. All I could do was say his name. "Jesus, Jesus"...Lord I want to be bold. Lord I don't want to wander. Lord I want to know. Lord let me be strong. Let me be courageous. Not self-seeking. Lord you've given me a big job. A great big job at being mom to these four boys and wife to my husband. Let me do it well. Let me embrace what you've called me to be. Lord I feel like there is so much more. A reason I am uneasy. A reason I am not comfortable. Just show me...

Maybe it's the start of the school year jitters. Getting ready to embark on 4 different routines of school schedules. Some days it's overwhelming. But I prayerfully know Gods plan is in place in following his prompting years ago. Lord just let me do it well. Let me have patience when needed. Encouraging daily to strive to be who God created us to be. I often let the ideas of the things I "should be doing" overshadow the blessing of the things we already are doing. We won't ever have it mastered perfectly and I dare not try for perfection or I'm sure to be let down. I can only give it to God daily. Hourly. By the minute. 

As for the tears. I feel God stirring. We've been on this journey of seeking his will for a long time. It's a never ending journey but when you are restless you feel an urgency to know. What's next? Patience is often hard. Patience can be overwhelming. I see it as a path...a beautiful garden with stepping stones. Sometimes two or three stones are laid at once and you can't wait to reach the next one. Sometimes you stand on that last stone for a while...years, months, weeks, days, hours...praying...waiting...listening...watching....when will the next stone appear? Where is the path going? God knows. I just have to trust. Waiting on the next stepping stone on the path he would have us take. For years I was afraid to follow that prompting. So afraid of making the wrong decision or going down the wrong path. I've come to realize there are a lot of paths in this life. Some are hard. Some are easy but God has led us down each one for a reason. Sometimes those reasons aren't immediately clear. Some paths have taken us full circle back to where we started. Maybe it's a do-over. God is faithful. I have to seek and I have to trust. And one day...in HIS timing he will show us the path. That great big winding path....I can see it! Milestone events of brokenness and victory of perseverance and growth. I wait! Seeking. Knowing he will show us the way! The victory is all HIS we just have to be ready to stand for the battle! "Jesus, Jesus"