An Ounce Of Worry...

I've been a life-long worry-er. Something I remember having trouble with even as a you child. Being scared at night. Afraid to close my eyes. As an adult those worries changed somewhat. They focused more on health, kids, etc... After losing David's dad 7 years ago I found myself at an all time worry high. To the point I was miserable nearly daily. I knew something had to change. For one I needed to go my knees in deep prayer with Him. I knew that I had to lay it at His feet and turn every ounce of fear, worry, and anxiety over to Him. No, it wasn't instant relief and it actually took several years to re-train my thought process and find true peacefulness. There are just some thing I cannot control. There are somethings...well really all things...that no matter whether I worry about them or not they will not change. I'm getting better. When those "things" arise... And they do...about saying alright there is nothing I can do about this. But God can handle it. He knows the outcome. The beginning and the end and I'm going to trust Him. The realization that came to me several years ago was that I was letting Satan win. Because I was willing to dwell on worry an anxiety Satan was gaining ground in my life. That wasn't okay with me. I do not want to give Satan the satisfaction. I refuse to let him have credit for even an ounce of worry in my life. Yes, I am human and yes, things still happen that want to send me into a fit of worry and anxiety. That first instinct is to get upset and letting my mind take over. What I have found is that I can quickly change that thought and turn it over to God. In the same instant it take to get upset I can say God it's yours and I can't do anything about this.

I see these same struggles with worry in my boys at times. One in particular. There have been many nights up talking and praying. I want my boys to learn from an early age that a simple switch in the mindset now will save them the years of needless worry that I allowed myself to have. Giving to God what we can neither change nor control is all we can truly do!

"Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" Matthew 6:27

Reap the Reward...

I've been studying about when Jesus crossed the Sea of Galilee. He had huge crowds of people who surrounded and followed Him. They followed because of the miracles He had performed. He had healed and brought to life. When word got out people came. They wanted to see what was being done. They were amazed at what some had seen and some had heard. They wanted to see it for themselves. They wanted to experience it for themselves. When a group of 5,000 or more formed the Disciples weren't sure how they would feed the people. Along came a boy with 5 loaves and two fish. "How will this ever be enough? How will we feed them Lord?" Where had the disciples been? Had they not seen the miracles performed and the wonders for their own eyes? When everyone is done eating there is enough leftovers to fill 12 baskets...they were in awe again at the miracle they had seen before their eyes! Isn't this the same test we face? Every time something happens that we feel like we can't handle and we don't know what to do. "Will we trust our own strength or will we look to the One who has all the power?" Why is it so hard to seek God in these situations instead of trying to figure it all out in our own strength. Which we cannot do! The people wanted to reap the reward of Jesus...they wanted wanted His miracles. They wanted His healing. But did they want Him?

Haven't we all seen ourselves in this same place? We are begging asking God for something. We want to reap the reward that we know only He can give. But do we want to reap the reward from truly knowing Him. Are we constantly asking for things for us. Things that we want. Things that we want to happen or are we seeking Him in every situation. Are we craving closeness in a relationship with Him as we crave the things we ask for. My goal is to seek Him. To know Him. To be His Disciple. To crave the closeness of my Heavenly Father on a daily basis. To be in awe of His presence daily.

Dream Big...Believe Big

Light to a dying world. This is what we want to be. The light that shines for others to see. But often times we feel like we need that light ourselves. When our world feels dark and we look for that re-assurance, a guiding hand, a hand stretched out to help us up. Sometimes the day "gets me". It chews me up and spits me out. It tangles me up and I can't seem to get undone. All the while I feel it...I feel Satan's sheepish grin knowing he "got me" today. Then you sit down and open your Bible or devotion and the words are there. Right in front of you. Satan will not defeat me.

A word that has me right now is the word "content". I keep telling myself to be content for now. It okay. Be patient. When in my heart I scream "NO"! I refuse to be content with where we are. I refuse to be unchanged. I refuse to conform to the way 90% of the world chooses to live. I will not be struck down by mediocrity and allow myself to simply be "content". I choose to live. I want my boys to live. To live  outside of the "norm" and be different. I want them to know that different can be so much better. Wise words from my husband on a beat  myself up day..."Everyday is a gift. Get busy living and loving. Don't wait until it's too late to enjoy the day God has given us." There is a great big world out there calling our names. Screaming to us that the life we want is not set aside for the elite or the select few. It's there for little old us. And little old you. Dream big. Believe big.

The Only...

Sometimes I struggle. Struggle to find the words I need to say. When my prayer time seems silent and still. I know that God knows what is on my heart at every given moment. He knows what is going on in every aspect of our lives. He gives us strength when we are weak. He gives us shelter in the storm. There is so much going on with so many right now. My hear aches for each of them because it truly puts my struggles and issues of insignificance in their place. We don't know what tomorrow holds sick or well, broke or poor, happy or sad. We only know that in this moment God gives us we should strive to be all that He has created us to be. I get bogged down with whatever we are going through. Stressed out. Snippy with the kids...when none of it matters. The things I this earth will pass away...GONE. No one ever said it would be easy while we are here. It may seem like it is for some. "They've just got it easier, better..." When in reality we all face the same struggles and trials of this life. Leaning on God for our strength. Leaning on His truth and faithfulness of His word. It's not easy..we are human. Our minds sometimes go a million miles a minute and cannot grasp all that is going on...but we can find rest. We can find it at His feet. Laying our burdens down before Him. There is hope in tomorrow as long as we put our hope in the ONLY things that is Everlasting!

HIS path...

The light. The word. Isn't it great when verses jump out at you. When you read the words you need to hear. How God purposely places these words in front of you at just the right time. His path for all things being revealed..."For everything was created by Him, in heaven and on earth, the visible and the invisible, whether thrones or dominions, or rulers or authorities-all things have been created through Him and for Him." Colossians 1:16 As Christians all that we do should be for Him. Not for us. Not for our own glory. Not for our own fame. We were created to live our life for Him. He knows the path we cannot see. He knew the beginning just as He knows the end. We pray for guidance. We pray for a lantern to light the path when it seems dark and we don't know which way to go. He has the answers. He always has and He always will. The answer may not be the one we want at times. It may very well be the thing we have been running away from that He calls us to do. I choose to follow His path. Praying the lantern shines bright for the dark stretches ahead. I choose to listen and obey. I want to be obedient and embrace the journey He sets before us. To truly believe that no matter what the journey is ...His purpose will be revealed. His light will shine. He gets the glory and the praise. "Now if you will listen to Me and carefully keep My covenant, you will be My own possession." Exodus 19:5

The Path...

Sometimes we hit a crossroads in life. When you must make a decision for change. Change sometimes forces the uncomfortable. Forces the value of what is important and what isn't. We often need that little shove to say "ok" this is what has to be done. When we look around and can't see progress it time to wake up. It's time to say "Lord I'm here, what do you want for me?" We can no longer sit idle and expect something to just happen. Yes, we trust. Yes, we stand faithful. But there must be movement. There must be a step forward in search of the right path. If the path is never tested we stand in confusion. We stand still. Too afraid to make a move in fear it might be the wrong move. But what if it's the right one? What if it's the move that changes everything. What if it's the move that opens all those doors that have remained shut for so long. Sometimes we get too comfortable where we are. Sometimes we are just furniture taking up space...Never making the "wrong move". We are predictable and trustworthy because we are always the same. What happens when we start moving? What happens when we take a step down "that path" and test the stability of it. What if? I truly feel God had a plan for all our lives. Not all are called to minister. Not all are called to teach. Sometimes we are called to serve. Sometimes to be a comfort or be a listening ear. When we are searching for that "it" we are called to do we pray. We seek guidance. We earnestly search and study Gods word in revelation. The song "I Wanna Live with Abandon" by Newsboys circles through my head constantly...these words

There's gotta be so much more to life than this
A higher calling that I missed
I want my life to count, every breath
I wanna live with abandon
Give You all that I am
Every part of my heart Jesus
I place in Your hands
I wanna live with abandon

So all I can say is that if you don't know your place in this world and you want to know. Search Him. Seek Him. Lay it at his feet daily. The answers will come. Remain faithful. Trust and know that in His timing it will be revealed.

Without hesitation...

The birds are chirping. The rain is coming down. Love the sound of the rain on the tin roof. I'm in my comfort spot on the screened porch enjoying the peacefulness of the afternoon. Lots of thoughts running through my head. A lot of "stuff" has been going on that we have been in great prayer about. A crossroads you could say. Being patient and waiting on what God has planned. That "I want to hear you God" part isn't always easy to wait on either. There are times when I feel the need to throw my hands up in the air and shout "I QUIT" but what I really need to do is his my knees and pray harder. Or, maybe He is answering me but I'm just not listening. There is movement for what stands before us and provision for what stands behind. We can't always have it our way. For now we must celebrate those provisions and embrace whatever movement God has in store for us. The let down when things fall through cannot stop us. We cannot give up on those things because we know that God has the story already written and each occasion is a building block for another. Whether we see it or not! Our job is not always to see but to simply...trust. We have come this far in life sometimes in a sprint but most times in a leisurely jog. Going along doing our business being who we are and not giving it much thought. Racing to the "finish line" in our sprint in some areas to get them over with and then looking around at all we missed along the way. The lessons we didn't grasp. The thanks we didn't give. The "do overs" we don't get in this life. The days are worth cherishing. Giving them all we've got and embracing the craziness that comes with it. How many opportunities have we missed? How many times could the love of Christ been shared but we hesitated. Are we as passionate about sharing the one thing that truly matters in this earthly life as we are about everything and anything else? I don't want to hesitate! I don't want to miss those opportunities! I want to trust that when one or two or three doors close that God has the power to open one, two or three more. We only have to believe. We only have to trust...we only have to keep faith that God's plan is a perfect plan. Our plans may fail...but his NEVER will.

The Quiet...To Be

There always seems to be a lot going on. Whether we mean to be busy or not some how we manage to stay that way. A whirlwind of lists and things we need to do and places we need to go. For some time I have been thinking about some friends of ours who opted for a little different path in life... I guess you could say the quiet life, the off the beaten path life. A life of what seems to be mere simplicity. Some days the noise of the day drowns out the respect of the day. Some days it's so loud I can't even gather my thoughts to enjoy the day. Now, this is no ones fault but my own. Leading a busy life leads to a hectic day. With four boys often going in 4 directions it's easy to get "too busy". Now back to the friends. They re-did a little farmhouse back in the woods. You wouldn't even know they were there on their little farm unless you knew they were there. Make sense?!? They essentially live in their own little world. I am all for being somewhat social... Although we don't lead much of a social life. But, there is something to be said about the ability to just run away... To get away... To disappear to your own little world where you can breathe. Where you can rest. Where you can drowned out the noise of life. To find yourself. To spend time with God. To listen to God. Some days I long for that quiet spot. Not alone... I'm not wanting to run away from my family. But as a family to un-wind, re-group, and remember why we were put on this great big earth. To find God who often gets lost in the shuffle of the day of good intentions. I don't want our lives to be about "good intentions" but instead about living intentionally in this world. I want to feel Gods presence in this world. I want my boys to feel His presence daily and know that we were put here for one mission. To serve! To be! To be what? To be Gods servant. To share His love. To spread His word. To reach corners of the earth that are unreachable. For the words "where he leads I will follow" to be more than just words. For it to mean action. To take action in this great big world but still find time to listen. Often times wondering if God is telling me His plan over and over and over. Showing me His plan but sometimes I'm just too busy to catch it. Too busy to listen. He has a plan. A great big plan for each of us. Seek Him and know His plan!

Where are we going?

Sometimes we don't always know. We never know where the road will end and sometimes we don't know where it will begin. So many times David and I have looked at each other
and said "what are we doing?" "Where are we going?" Sometimes it's not always the easy question to ask. Sometimes we don't always like the answer that we get. Gods calling on our lives to ministry is not one taken lightly. Gods call can be so strong that we are just uncomfortable no matter where we are. Patience playing a big part in this. I am not a patient person much like most of the world right now. Instant gratification for the things we want. But, sometimes God says you know what ...you are not ready yet. You are not ready for the journey ahead and now is a time for preparation. Preparation for the journey He has for us. What can we learn in this journey? It's so easy to be frustrated. It's so easy to just want answers. Just show us the way! Just show us what you want! We will go! The journey...the road...it might not be easy but if you are calling us...we will go! What can we learn while waiting? This year I feel like I am learning a lot by way of patience. The decision to homeschool was a great one but I cannot tell you everyday is perfect and that there aren't days I am not frustrated and days that the kids aren't frustrated as well...but we move on. Days when I feel like I want to throw my hands up in the air and quit...the kids too. I still work two jobs, I homeschool, I have a house, I have laundry, the list goes on... But in the end we are together. I get to spend every day with my kids. I am one blessed momma! Through devotion this year I have been blown away with what my kids have written. They will read something and bring it to me and say "Momma I want you to read this...we are going through this". Maybe we are doing something right. So like anything else we are learning day to day on how to make school work for us but at the end of the day whether good or bad we make it through and tomorrow is a new day. When we look at this world I want my kids to know that tomorrow is a new day. Things might not be perfect today....but God loves unconditionally and tomorrow is a new day. In the end...we don't know where we are going. We don't know what we are doing. We do know that God is calling. We do know that God has plans. We do know that God is preparing us. We do know that God is growing us and molding us. We do know that no matter what...no matter what God is faithful. Are we? Are we willing to step out and go? Are we willing to get uncomfortable? Are we willing to live out Gods promise to us? Are we willing to say "Lord it's yours...we are yours..." Things aren't easy right now. Things aren't perfect right now...they never will be. Perfect doesn't exist this side of heaven. The timing will not always be perfect. The circumstances will not always be perfect. But God is perfect!

Goals! We have goals set. We have a vision for our family. We even have a vision board that reflects what we want to accomplish in this life. Ultimately though...this is not "our" life but the life we live as God's children. The life we live as Christ's disciples. It is our job to share the ultimate vision for our lives and that is what we long to do. Christ's vision is flawless and unscathed. "Where there is no vision...the people will perish." Our vision board represents who we are. It represents what we want to accomplish. It represents dreams that we have for the future and for our kids. It represents us! At the center of that vision is to be the hands and feet of Christ. Because with Him we all know we can accomplish anything. So often we looked at the words surrounding the center pointing in feeling that we needed to accomplish those things in order to obtain the center...to be the hands and feet of Christ. We had it all wrong. We should be the center working our way out. We should be the hands and feet of Christ which will in turn allow us to accomplish all the other "things" in our life.
"To accomplish great things we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also BELIEVE."

Jeremiah 42:3 (NIV) 3 Pray that the LORD your God will tell us where we should go and what we should do."

Psalms 43:3 (NIV) 3 Send me your light and your faithful care, let them lead me; let them bring me to your holy mountain, to the place where you dwell.

Matthew 28:19 (NIV) 19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,

Matthew 9:37 (NIV) 37 Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.