Diamonds and Pearls...

When you don't want diamond and pearls...

When what you are longing for is a simple life with your family around you. A chance to make a living and enjoy being together. Sometimes life isn't designed that way and every day seems like a struggle. A struggle for survival. To keep your head above water and make it to the next day. When your prayers is "Lord, grant us provision for the day". Life's hard. When the cars in the shop, you are hit with an unexpected medical bill and the new job just isn't providing because the other job took a huge pay cut. It's life! The days will fail me but my God never will. Despite what is going on in my world or your world. God is here! He's patiently waiting for me to lay the day at his feet saying "Lord, I can't do this on my own. I can't make sense of it. I can't figure out why. It's yours, Lord. I give this worry, this anxiety, this fear over to you." I don't know of anyone who gets to walk through this life without having the daily thought of Why, when or how?  "Life is like a box of chocolates" as Forrest Gump would say..."you never know what you are going to get". Isn't it the truth! Life is filled with trials and temptations that we don't always understand. But we aren't supposed to always understand. Sometimes we can't see what is around the next corner and what God may have planned. Leading one trial into a multitude of blessings. If life were easy we wouldn't seek our Heavenly Father. It would be much easier to go about my day living my life the way I wanted and the way I, I, I saw fit. There's a problem with that sentence. Too many I's and not enough God. It's a daily struggle of seeking after my human flesh desires versus my Fathers plan. Too many times I'm seeking my own answer instead of seeking God's plan. The energy that is wasted spending on worrying and "trying to figure it out" rather than hitting my knees and just asking for help. Seeking God's desire and His will. 

I really don't want diamonds and pearls. I'm just not that kind of girl. I want simple. I'd live on a farm if I thought we could make it. David and I just had this conversation on our drive to Texas last weekend. (Long drives are good for our marriage) I told him when we were first married I felt certain we would farm. He was raised on a farm and my grandparents had farmed for a living. It was a simple way of life...or so I thought as a child! Ha...so much work in that! Life didn't take us in that direction. Some day we would love to have a few acres...but then again it would just be more to take care of. What's important to me right now are my boys. A lot of my time and energy is focused on them. Some would praise me for it and some ridicule. Do I give them too much of me?...Maybe. Will I ever regret this time spent with them...I don't think so. My babies are growing and growing fast. I've got a short window to mold and encourage them before we send them out into this great big world. I'm not a sink or swim kindof girl. I like to prepare them for life's hiccups, adventures and disappointments. I want to be there to cheer them on but also to catch them when they fall. I don't ever want them to feel like they can't come to me for advice and support. I want them to know I'm here for them for as long as God lets me.  An ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on. To me there is nothing better than a hug from my momma. A real hug. The one that says "I love you with every breath I take. More than you can ever imagine." The same love my Heavenly Father has for me and you. Knowing that he loves us no matter what. He loves us in spite of our insecurities, anxieties and worries. He always there waiting for us!

Distractions...

They are all around me right now. Begging for my focus and energy. They drain me! The things of this world are just that...OF THIS WORLD. My hope cannot be set on anything other than my Savior who holds the answers and the peace that I want to feel only comes from Him. It is so easy right now to get lost in the political jargon of today. I'm over it. Sick of it. Every time I pick up my phone to scroll through the pages of life it bombards me. The captions...the headlines. Begging me to click and listen. When I do I am just a hot mess...overwhelmed with sadness, anxiety and worry. What about my kids? What about their future? What about our future? I have to step back...I have to step back and pray..."Jesus take the wheel cause I'm about to lose it!"  All I know is God already knows the outcome. I don't know how one candidate is even allowed to run and isn't in jail...maybe its Gods will for what is to come. Trial will come to us...ALL OF US. We will all face the King most high for our actions and decisions.  My job as momma, wife, daughter, sister is to raise my boys in His Light. Not the light or maybe darkness of an election. The election is what it is. My vote will be cast based on the fact that I want to throw up every time I look at her...there is an evil presence there. Its scary...But this isn't about her or about him. This is about my thoughts and mind not getting lost in who is or isn't elected. The way I feel there is nothing right, just or the least bit holy about our government as a whole as it is. I don't expect that to change in the near future. But, my job is to raise up that next generation to make better decisions and to speak out for what they believe. To stand up and stand proud as a follower of Christ and be leaders for His cause. Sure I pray for a reformation in this country ...but we have to raise up a group behind us who believe and pray for the same. Life is hard. Its only going to get harder. The threat of violence and uprising is real and worrisome. However, my fear is not there. My fear is that the Lord will come back with loved ones and neighbors who still don't know the King of Kings. My fear is that they will perish never hearing or believing that there is a Lord of Lords that holds the keys to the everlasting and eternal state they will one day face. What can I do? I'm one. But so are you...and that makes two. Christians who will finally stand and join together for THE cause...The kingdom cause can move mountains! We just have to believe that we can. 

“So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.”

‭‭John‬ ‭8:7‬ ‭KJV‬‬

The Mosquito...

Mosquitos...those pesky little guys often take their bite out of you leaving you miserable and itchy.  People can be that way too. Ever have those conversations with someone where no matter what you are doing it is never right? You are never doing enough and you should always be doing more. When you hang up the phone with them feeling defeated and start questioning your whole being and everything you do. Yep...a mosquito. Taking their bite out of you. Instantly going into panic mode that your kids are going to turn out to be some sort of oval shaped individual instead of the perfectly rounded one said person has all the answers on how to create. You should do this or that. They should do this or that, be a part of this, go to that, make them do this...all I can say is that this side of heaven I will never have it right. I won't have all the right answers, scenarios, and parenting skills to be the perfect individual to create the next perfect individual. It won't happen. I don't want to be a mosquito...quick to take a bite. I don't walk in their shoes and they don't walk in mine! Maybe instead we should point out all the things they are doing well and be less quick to judge. Hey the kids are fed and clothed today...some days that's a lot! I have had the life sucked out of me at times. Turning into a great big welt. Miserable from all those quick little bites...when I need to be a duck. Letting it all slide right off my back. We are so quick to judge others. Never having taken a step in their shoes but we have all the answers for them. Dear Jesus let me not be a mosquito sucking the life out of others and judging them. I'm guilty of it for sure. Let me lift them up with praise and admiration. Let me put wind under their wings so that they can soar instead of a rock tied to the ankles in defeat. Give us the strength to love when we don't feel like it and give when we don't want to.

 "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up..." 1 Thessalonians 5:11

"Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification." Romans 14:19

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4:29

All in...

Ever feel like God plants you in the field of uncomfortable. Often sending those little reminders that we are not here as Christians and followers to be in our comfort zone. To feel like we are just passing through waiting on eternity. Sometimes he plants us in situations outside of our comfort zone so that we can be a guiding light. An example. A chance to be the difference. To show the difference and to witness while being the change he desires. It might not be immediate. It might not even happen but maybe we are planting seeds when we are in these situations. Seeds that might not grown now, or next year or ten years from now but seeds that will leave an imprint for his timing. Being a living example of his Light at any age. After all...“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.”

‭‭1 Timothy‬ ‭4:12‬ ‭NIV‬‬ 

I've written before about what are we here for? What am I here for? What did God plant me on this earth to be or do? Recently I read a book called "All In" by Mark Batterson and this stood out to me: "When did we start believing that God wants to send us to safe places to do easy things? That faithfulness is holding the fort? That playing it safe is safe? That there is any greater privilege than sacrifice? That radical is anything but normal? Jesus didn't die to keep us safe. He died to make us dangerous. Faithfulness is not holding the fort. It's storming the gates of hell. The will of God is not an insurance plan. It's a daring plan. The complete surrender of your life to the cause of Christ isn't radical. It's normal. It's time to quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death. It's time to go all in and all out for the all in all." I've read this over and over and over...maybe you will to. Hoping that it sinks in that I am not here to be comfortable. I'm here to win souls for Christ. I'm here to raise my boys to win souls for Christ...at any age. Praying the have that relationship now with Christ that it took me years to find. “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” Proverbs‬ ‭22:6‬ ‭NIV‬‬ They won't always be perfect but I believe in this verse as I raise my boys. I believe that living our lives in a Christ centered environment focused on the prize ahead...His kingdom...and leaving His lasting imprint wherever we go through our words and conduct and most of all His love. 

The simple...

Sometimes my prayers seem like echoes. They are repeated and repeated and repeated. Sometimes for what seems like ages. Some answered...some not...some not yet. At times I wonder how long do I keep praying this prayer or how long do I keep interceding for this person or for that. The Bible tells us to pray without ceasing... “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

‭‭1 Thessalonians‬ ‭5:16-18‬ ‭NIV‬‬. He answers in his timing and in his way but it's our job to be faithful. Faithful to the process of waiting and listening. Asking and seeking. My prayers don't have to be lavish and fluffy...some days I don't have words. Some days the simple prayer of "Jesus"...and you know what..He is there. Listening, waiting, interceding for me. He knows the words even when they don't come out of my mouth. He knows my heart before I even utter one word. He sees our hurts, fears, trials, temptations. 

In reading Max Lucado's "After Amen" this hit home... "Just as a happy child cannot mis-hug, the sincere cannot mis-pray. Heaven knows, life has enough burdens without the burden of praying correctly. If prayer depends on how I pray, I'm sunk. But if the power of prayer depends on the One who hears the prayer, and if the One who hears the prayer is my Daddy (My Jesus), then I have hope."-Max Lucado

Indeed I have hope in knowing that even when the lavishness and fluff have left me. Even when the words just won't exit my body. When the tears fall but the words are silent...my Jesus knows. He knows. He knows. I have hope! I have a God who sees. A God who knows. A God who understands. A God who loves.  He loves you when all is wrong. He loves you when all is right. He loves you when you can't love yourself or anyone else. All you have to do is call out his name "My Jesus, My Jesus". He knows!

If you read or have read the book you will see these lines at the very end of Chapter 4..."Pieces don't fit. Wine runs out. (John 2). Water bottles burst. These are facts of life. But Jesus responds with this invitation: 'Bring your problems to me.' State them simply. Present them faithfully, and trust him reverently."

Whispers...

I've often deemed myself a failure. I've let Satan in my head more times than I care to count allowing him to rule. Allowing him to whisper those words in my ear..."failure"..."you aren't good at anything"...."unworthy". After letting these words in you begin to believe them. After all...school didn't come easy. I had to work my tail off. I gave up on my college scholarship after two years. Failed business attempts...not that it was entirely my fault that the housing market crashed. But yet, it was failure in my eyes and ears. Business attempts that didn't go as planned or prosper as I had hoped. I did have success...just not what I had hoped and dreamed for. Each time one of these ventures came and went it always brought me back home where I had one...then two...then three...then four little boys to take care of. My God given blessings before my eyes that proved I was no failure. It proved I was worthy. It proved I was capable. The desires of my heart that God GAVE me. Right before my eyes...I was called. I was chosen. God chose ME!  I was momma. Success! I didn't consider myself "successful". After all, what is success? The job? How much money I make? My experiences? My portfolio? "Don't just make a living, make a life!"-Mark Batterson. My sweet husband has spoken words of praise and worthiness over me for years and sometimes I just wouldn't listen. "I'm nothing"....those whispers. Then, God began to work on me a few years ago. He began to open my eyes and ears to see that I am his. I am the daughter of the one true king. I am anointed. I am able. I am worthy. I am loved. I am His. Do you know that I love music... I used to sing. I used to play the piano. I love to write often times afraid to share with anyone because well "it's just not that good". But, as I'm raising these boys...to be men and not JUST men. I'm raising them to be men of God, to be godly husbands and fathers.  The biggest job I could ever have. This is my success! But, if I can't trust and if I can't believe what God has told me and what his word shows me how can I breathe life and belief into them. How can I show them a God who is so loving, so powerful, so giving, so righteous...when I choose to not believe His words about me. We are called. Each of us. In whatever season of life that we are in. Whether we are using our talents athletically, musically, in teaching, in serving, in leadership, in writing, or at home ...wherever we are...my gift from God is to be momma..plain old momma...to be used FOR God. My success does not equal that of others. My success is based on the gifts God has given me. Yours are based on the gifts he has given YOU. Don't let Satan win the battle of whispers. Fight back with words of courage! Our words to ourselves are often the most damaging and also the most powerful. Fight back with empowerment! Live in the moment God has given you and make a difference where you are.

Next...

Today begins a new chapter. A new journey in the life of our gymnast boy. This has been a super hard decision in one sense and the easiest decision in the next. A decision that has been prayed over, after, for and prayed through. We are excited for the future. We are excited to see how God uses Mason. We are excited to see his journey unfold. He has been super faithful and committed to gymnastics. Competing at level 8 and above just requires more. More practice, patience, coaching, time and commitment. It's not extra curricular. It's not a hobby. In a sense it is a dream, a hope, a vision, a goal to him...he works so hard. We get one life to live. We get one chance to follow those dreams. Breathing into my kids something that might have been left out of me at their age. I want them to see that there is a great big world out there they can go after. Being Christ's light wherever it leads them. We want our boys to know that we will help them chase those dreams. We want to leave no regrets behind with the woulda shoulda couldas. We want to say we at least tried. Whether we succeed or not we have given it our best effort. Navigating a new direction takes time and energy for our whole family. It won't be always be easy for us because we are a big family.  But we are here. We will take one day at a time and work through the obstacles we encounter. Praising God for opportunity. May we cherish the gifts we have been given and use them wisely. May we be a blessing to those we encounter along the way.

"Refuse to be average. Let your heart soar as high as it will". -A.W. Tozer