Sour Patch...

God is so good all the time but a few days ago I found myself in a sour patch. God has answered prayer after prayer. He has blessed us above and beyond.  But I found myself mentally stuck. Stuck with aggravation at things that were out of my control. Stuck with aggravation of life in general.  But I'm reminded daily just how good God is. Lately the song that has me singing at the top of my lungs at the red light is Chris Tomlin's "Good Good Father"

"You're a good good Father
It's who You are, it's who You are, it's who You are

And I'm loved by You
It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am"

He reminds me daily...sometimes multiple time of who I am and what I have been called to be. I am His. He reminds me. He shows me. He re-assures me... I'm not in this journey alone. 

"Oh, I've heard a thousand stories
Of what they think You're like
But I've heard the tender whisper
Of love in the dead of night
And You tell me that You're pleased
And that I'm never alone"

I know that when I need answers I don't have to look far. When I need the peace and calm that only He can provide....he's always near. When things are tough and Satan creeps in to steal the joy...he's still near. He's still here waiting, listening...knowing. 

"Oh, and I've seen many searching
For answers far and wide
But I know we're all searching
For answers only You provide
‘Cause You know just what we need
Before we say a word"

He's a good good Father. He picks me up and wraps me in His arms. He comforts and consoles. He knows! 

"Cause You are perfect in all of Your ways
You are perfect in all of Your ways
You are perfect in all of Your ways to us"

That sour patch is Satan. He's working his way into my day creating doubts and fears of things that don't matter. He's there stealing love and joy out of our home. He's there whispering the lies of this world. He's there telling me I'm not worthy. He's there insisting I be doubtful and unhappy. He's there telling me I'm not enough. He's there.......but so is my Father with arms open wide reminding me I'm loved by Him. That no matter what this world throws my way. No matter what each day brings my future is secure with Him. My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus blood and righteousness. He is my sustainer. He is my redeemer...

"You're a good good Father
It's who You are, it's who You are, it's who You are
And I'm loved by You
It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am"

New Year...New You(s)

As the New Year rolls around we are ready to make those changes. Those things that have been on our hearts and minds ..sometimes it's the woulda shoulda couldas...and sometimes it's overwhelming to me. I'm a planner. I like to see what's coming and plan the outcome before it happens. Of course, that doesn't always work. When the outcome that I don't plan happens frustration often sets in.  This year I want to focus on Gods plan for me...for us! Often times I have a word for the new year. Something that I want to be intentional on working on. This year it's more of a phrase...."Be Open To Change". I don't necessarily like change. As a planner I'm not great at deviating from the plan. This is something I often struggle with daily. I feel God urging me and telling me to be open to change. Be ready. Embrace it. Encourage it. Honestly change scares me. So I guess this is a growth period. A time of putting faith in God and know that whatever change comes our way I have to trust Him. I have to know that he is able...Not me. I have to fully trust that he sustains me...not the other way around. I have to truly seek Him...to be close to Him...to hear Him and most of all...I have to listen. I have been good at dismissing the urges God often places on my heart. It's not the right time. It's not the right place. Not now God. I can't do that God. Don't change the plan...please! When I am sure I have missed many blessings by being unwilling to deviate from "my plan". I want to embrace Gods plan whether it's a hard situation or an easy one. I want to be intentional in seeking his will in everything and when he answers...whether good, bad, scary, exciting or challenging ...that I embrace it. That I run with open arms saying "what's next Lord"... My prayer is that we seek Him but that we also allow Him to seek us in 2016. Boys this life isn't easy. It's not a gravy train. We fight hard for what we have and fight even harder to hold onto what we've got.  But, it's by Gods grace we are who we are. We are a family of 6...doing things a little different than most. We are in this together...thick or thin...good or bad. Embracing the time we have with you and making the most of the days we've got...because they are numbered! Life is short....and everyday needs to be lived intentionally. Let's Be Open To Change...spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally...as a family!

My feelings are hurt...

Someone said something. Someone did something. Something happened....I just don't understand it. I can't figure it out but my feelings are hurt. I sulk. I ponder. I try to work out the details in my mind. I try to make sense of it. I complain about it...yep I complain about it over and over and over. I complain to God. Why? Why this...why me...for what purpose? Yep...there might be a purpose. I complain and I complain to God. I ask for the perfect outcome. I don't deserve the perfect outcome. I'm not "more" than the person next to me who wants the same perfect outcome. I'm not "special" in any way. I'm just like anyone else.  My feelings get hurt by the simplest things and I want to complain to God to fix them when time and time again his feelings are hurt by me. My words, my actions, my motives...and I expect to never get hurt. I expect to walk through life with no disappointment when I disappoint my Heavenly Father daily. I deserve no different than the next. I deserve no more than anyone else. I deserve the worst. But then ...there is grace. Gods infinite grace poured out on me daily in everything around me and I miss it. I miss all the good things especially the little things because I'm too busy complaining. God is so good. His grace and mercy are poured out on me daily. May I rejoice in his blessings. May I rejoice in his greatness. May I look ahead at the things to come and the things right in front of me. May I let go of the things of the past. They cannot change. They cannot be undone...but they can be forgotten. Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise God for the life given. Praise God for the trials and struggles that will make us draw closer to Him. His love endures forever...even when I don't deserve it!

Tis the Season...

It's been a couple of months and I feel like we are finally getting settled in the new house. It feels like it has been a whirlwind of a year with David taking a new job, selling our house, moving to my parents while we searched for a new house and then the whole search process that took longer than anticipated. I was anxious for a house. Ready to settle in and not live out of totes. Ready to have our space. What I didn't count on was the void I felt when we left mom and dads. I look back on the 9 months we were there and I am so very blessed and thankful for that time. What a privilege it was to spend that time with them. It was unique and not always easy but something I will cherish and I believe my boys will as well. We were able to spend quality time with them. Time that maybe we had never had before and quite possibly will never have again...in the sense of quality and quantity. We are settled though in our new home. We love it so far! We have been blessed with some of the most amazing neighbors and it has been a blessing to get to know them over the last few months!

As far as school goes it is hard to believe we are halfway through the school year. I am blessed daily by my crew. In this season I am extremely blessed by their giving hearts. They want to go above and beyond in doing whatever they can for others. Something I have tried hard to instill is having a servant heart. To be aware of their surroundings and when they see a need to do what they can to help....whether a big task is at hand or a little one...that we don't shy away but figure out a way to make a difference in someone's life.(speaking for all of us...not just he kiddos) In this season we tend to do "more" but I want it to be an all year long season of giving and "more" for others. That we don't focus on the "me" attitude but the "you" (what can I do for you?) attitude. That we spread joy daily...not just in a season! That we love on others continually...not just for a day! This world is hard and we don't always have it easy. We don't always have the means to do what our heart really wants to do but we always have the ability to do something. To make a difference with our words and actions and even small gestures that can make someone's day. Be that shining light wherever we are but most of all let the light that shines show Gods love to others!

Is it enough...

For several weeks I've been dealing with the "is it enough" scenario". Am I doing enough? I work outside the home. I work inside the home. I homeschool...but I get bombarded by my own thoughts of I need to be doing more financially for our family. I mean really there are a few extra hours in the day 😳. Exhaustion doesn't completely set in until 11 pm or so...thanks to Spark! Then, I sit through church on Sunday and amazingly the sermon is on the family and exactly what I'm dealing with. The greatest thing that I can be doing for my boys is exactly what I'm doing. Pouring into them daily...not perfectly daily...but I'm trying. That it was impressed upon my heart several years ago to be here and to be present and to take upon myself the responsibility of teacher and mentor to them. That I'm here raising men..not boys. That the results of me doing so are not immediate results. In all honesty I might never see the end result. But, my goal is to raise men of God, Christ followers, Godly husbands, loving fathers, disciples of strength and morality to be lights in this dark world. I'm not doing it all just right. I'm not doing it perfectly. And while it may be killing me with all the beach, cruise, disney pictures that we may not get to be a part of like other people....money makes the world go round and money is nice and precious memories are forever treasured...I have to remind myself that this is our journey. It's not like everyone else's.  There are different seasons of life and I need to embrace the season...even when it's not fun, or it's a little hard, or maybe not exactly the way I pictured it... God sees the end...we just have to hold tight to the reigns and enjoy the ride...bumps and all.

For Ma...

It's just that time...

When we look back

On life and love

And of time spent. 

Remembering the laughter

Remembering the tears

But most of all 

Of the one we held dear. 

She was bold

She was strong

She was a wife

She was a mother

She was comfort

She was joy

She was like no other.

She was Ma!

It's just that time...

I remember our days 

when I was young. 

Times that I will cherish 

spent on the farm. 

Three hot meals a day

And she never complained. 

Biscuits and gravy with a side

Of cinnamon rolls for me. 

Feeding the goats and cows

With long walks to end the day. 

Quiet front porch sittin'

There was nothing missin'

It's just that time...

There's new work to do

She is with my Pa. 

As they stand in awe 

With the One

who loved them more. 

My joy comes in knowing

No more pain

No more tears

I will see them again one day. 

Praise God for life

Praise God for love. 

It's just that time...

I love you Ma!

The hardest...

One of the hardest things in walking as a Christian in this life is having a loved one who is unsaved. Maybe they are saved. Maybe you just don't know. I can only hope this is it. But my heart breaks...for many reasons. But mostly because I did not do all that I could to make sure that they knew. I waited too long. They are in the final stages of life and in their condition it's too late. I, as a Christian, will have to answer for that. I will have to face my Heavenly Father one day and account for this. Why didn't I? I could use every excuse...Someone else should have, they have been sick for so long, I hope they accepted Christ at some point, I know they knew, I know they had heard....but did they accept? Did they accept? None of the above matters if they never accepted. It wasn't anyone else's  job...it was mine. There are some people in our life that we share with and share with and they refuse to trust. They refuse to believe but you know you have tried. You have planted the seeds. You can dust yourself off, move on and you continue to pray for them. But what if you don't have this peace with knowing you have done everything possible to make sure they knew. It leaves an imprint. It leaves a dark hole that I'm not sure can be filled. I didn't do all that I could. I sit in church and it's missions. It's go out and tell the world when I can't even tell my own family. My highest priority is often my lowest. My first priority should be to ensure those closest to me know. That I have done all I can to ensure they know who Jesus is and what Jesus has done for them. We will account for this. I will account for this. I'm praising God for brokenness this morning. I'm praising him for the feeling I have right now. That I will never let an opportunity pass me by to share. To show Gods love. To make sure they know.... Jesus is Lord. Jesus is your Savior. He is your saving grace. He is the beginning..and he is the end. The only hope there is in this life is through HIM.