Dear One...

Yes you. The one who is struggling. The one who is feeling lost and out of control. The one who feels like they are not going to survive this. The one who feels like the world is crashing in on them.  Take a breath. Praise God you are here. Praise God he created you. Find the glory in the moment and just give Him praise and honor. We were never told this life would be easy. But we were told that if we remain faithful in Him we will have nothing to worry about. There is a lot of "stuff" going on in this old world. There is a lot of stuff going on in your life right now. Sometimes we don't understand it all. Sometimes we don't understand why we are going through it. Most of these things we will never understand this side of heaven. But we have a weapon. We have knees! We have the power to get down on our knees and pray. Pray for our situation. Pray for the unknown and the fear we have. Pray for the outcome we cannot see. Pray for peace and understanding. I encourage you to find a place of solitude and reach out to God. Anyone can pray! It's not something reserved for a select few. A relationship with Christ is for YOU! 

In awe...

Sometimes I am just in awe. How in the world did I get so lucky. I sit back at times and I am completely blown away by my boys. Completely in awe of how God knit two lives together that created these 4 beautiful human beings. Have you ever just sat back and stared at your kids. Of course at this age they think they are in trouble or mom is just plain weird. That's ok. I am in awe! The beauty of each one. The characteristics of being so alike yet so different. I LOVE being their mom! Gods handiwork is so amazing and beautiful.  How inside of you for 9 months grows this little person who is alive at conception. How it grows is nourished and develops to be born dependent on you. What a huge responsibility. No doubt that responsibility seems overwhelming at times. But God equips! He give strength! 

So many things happen in this life that I know we just take for granted. We just let the days pass and we don't see the glory in it let alone give God the glory for it. How he perfectly orchestrates an event in our lives when it just seems heavy and burdensome. He has a plan! How you show up at church on Sunday morning and you are in awe that the message given was for you. In awe of doors shutting, shutting, shutting only to have one open so easily. Wow! God shows up in big ways sometimes. He shows up when we least expect it. It's like a puzzle. When keep trying to shove a piece that doesn't fit into the place you WANT it to go. It doesn't work. Frustration sets in. You feel defeated. Only to see God quietly lift your hand and place  it on the right piece and put it into place. Of course it fits perfectly! My prayer is to follow Gods plan. That we follow his lead! Sometimes it's dreary and dark. Sometimes we can't see our way to the next step until we have reached it...and God just shines brighter and brighter...and I just sit back in awe of how magnificent he is! Praising GOD from whom ALL blessings flow. 

Amazing Love...

Isn't it amazing how much God loves us. How many chances and do-overs he gives us. Each day we mess up and each day he cleans up the mess. We fail but yet he doesn't give up on us. But aren't there days when we give up on Him. When we are ready to throw in the towel. When we let our mouths take over and run it non-stop. When we just can't seem to get ourselves under control. But yet we can come back. God doesn't say..well you messed up so I'm done with you. Instead He looks down at us as we are crumpled in defeat...reaches out His hand and  pulls us back up to Him. He pats us on the back and says I love you my child. Rest in me. Don't let the worries of this world take you over. Trust me.     There is always hope with Him. There is always another day when we know him as our Savior. Another glorious day! We can't take back yesterday but we can change tomorrow. Forgiveness is a gift. Salvation is a choice. Without Him there is no hope. Without Him there is no guaranteed tomorrow. With Him you will receive the greatest gift ever! Trust and Believe. 

Crazy...yeah a little!

We are back at it! We officially started our third year of homeschooling a couple of weeks ago. I was also asked the question "are you crazy"? Well, yeah, most days...but I wouldn't change a thing. I'm embracing our crazy. It's even more crazy because we have yet to find a house. So with most of our belongings still in storage it's been hard. But I think the crazy question came with the realization that we have a 9th, 7th, 4th grader and Kindergartner. So yeah...it's crazy but we are off to a great start and everyone is jumping right in to their work and doing awesome! Mom is hanging in there. There are some long days and nights with school, work and running kids here and there but I'm trying to embrace it. It has just hit me this summer that Dylan is almost 15. WOW! Hard to even type that. But I only have a few years left with him under my wing before he decides to fly the coop! I am excited about his future and what God has in store for him. He is a bright shining compassionate star with a big heart and I know he is going places. I also realize that my time is numbered before this happens and I try to make the best of each day! We work hard but we laugh hard also.

I've also been asked the question "why homeschool"? My answer is "why not"! I know that it isn't for everyone. I also know that not everyone could do it or have the opportunity to do it. God gave me the opportunity and I am blessed by that. He also gave me encouragement that this was the direction our family should take. I don't know why really. I do know that I was convicted to do it. I didn't just wake up one day and say...let's do this! There were actually many years of feeling we SHOULD do this but always resisting and pushing back. When I did finally give in and let God take control I was completely blessed. No, it's not easy. Yes, it's ALOT of work. No, we don't lay in the bed until 9 or 10. We aren't lazy. But if we need a lazy day we have the option to do so! Honestly, it would have been easier to send them to school. We have always had great teachers but for a long time I knew I was supposed to be doing something different. What I have found over the last 3 years is a deeper relationship with my boys. Something that I cherish and love. I've watched them grow, I've watched them struggle, I've watched them learn. I've watched them laugh. I've watched them cry. I've watched them become young men. I've watched them pray. I've watched them seek guidance. Not just from me or their dad but from God. I will look back with no regrets knowing I did what God told me to do. I will look back with no regrets even if I didn't do it perfectly...I did it. Even when I was scared...I did it scared. People worry that they will mess up their kids. The only way I can mess them up is if I stop caring. The only way I can mess them up is if I stop loving them. What I do daily is for them. It's not about me. It's not for me. Its easy to be caught up in a "me" world and I'm guilty of it. I'm not deserving of anything I have. I don't deserve to be blessed the way I have been blessed. It's a blessing to be their mommy. It's a blessing to be their teacher. It's a blessing I don't want to take for granted. It's a blessing that can disappear in a blink of an eye. I praise God! I am in awe that he has entrusted me with this great gift and job. God gave me the desires of my heart 14.5 years ago when he made me a mommy. I owe Him my very best in this adventure! 

A Great Big Hole...

Ever have the feeling you are part of a great big hole? That your a missing a piece of the puzzle?That you are just different than your surroundings? Ever have the feeling that you just don't fit in? This isn't necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes it doesn't feel like a good thing though. Knowing that you feel like you just don't belong in this world is hard...because we don't. As a follower...as a Christian we belong with him...and this is not our home. But, God has put us here. He has put us here to be part of this Earth until we are in our heavenly home. He has put us here to save souls and win lives for Him. Lately it just feels like we don't belong but we don't know where to go or what to do. We feel uncomfortable in our surroundings and feeling Gods push...but where? Seeking His advise and praying diligently for the answers. That we follow Him wherever he leads us. Praying for doors to open and if need be doors to close at the same time. As we raise our boys we realize it's not just that easy. Just pick up and go....oh how we have thought about it. Then we remember it's not just us we might pick up and leave with its these boys who have their lives as well. But we are called to follow...our desire is to raise men for God. Men who pick up and follow.  Men who are leaders and who I know are world changers. There is the line. The line between living a life and living the life for God. Living in a way that glorifies Him while living in this world. Finding your last piece to the puzzle and filling in the blanks and holes that have been missing pieces to the whole picture. James 1:5 tells us to ask God when we don't know. When we lack wisdom that we are to ask and seek Him. He provides the answers. He provides the insight. He provides the missing pieces...all you have to do is ask. These answers might not be immediate answers. Keep praying. Keep seeking. They might not come for years but God hears your prayer. He hears your plea and sometimes he is aligning the missing puzzle pieces right in front of you and you just don't see it. Sometimes we don't see his work until it's time for that final missing piece. Don't lose hope. Keep praying. Keep seeking and his answers will be revealed. God is ALWAYS on time. 

Ok Satan....you win

We keep getting hits from the right and from the left. You get one thing done and something else happens. Days you just want to lay out in the grass with your arms wide open and say "I give up...Satan you win". He knows what buttons to push. He knows how to make you squirm. He knows how to make you lose it and give up hope. He just knows! Then God wakes you up and slaps you around a little bit and shows you that things could be far worse. He shows you that the blessings of this life are not in the things. The things that cost us money and the things that seems so important but in reality they aren't. They are just things. Things that are bought and sold everyday. Things that are forgotten about in a month. Things ...cannot replace life. Life is fragile and fleeting. Life is precious. Time is like gold. Savoring the moments and not the things. The memories. The laughter. When we leave this earth what is left behind? Our things won't matter but the memories will. The impact we made. The lives we changed. The moments we savored. The time we took. The love we gave. The JOY we create. Joy...its a tough one for me. I get down and out easily. I get lost in what needs to be done. What should be done. How much to be done. Often times I don't look at the joy in it. I take it for granted and miss the joy. But today...today I choose Joy. My joy is what makes my kids joy. When I am joyful they are joyful. When I am snappy. They are snappy. When I'm upset. They are upset. Today I choose joy. Find the joy. It may not be easy. It may even be downright painful but look for the JOY. It's there...in everything we do. We just have to look for it. So today Satan doesn't win. The bills may stack up. The car may blow up. That thing you wanted may slip through your fingers. But it's all material. Don't let it steal your joy. Don't let it steal your laughter. Praise God for the things you have that aren't "things".

 

Reflections...

So here lately the blog posts have been about being grateful for the time we have. Finding the joy in the moment and seeing the blessings around me. I was talking with my boys this weekend. We were discussing memories and sometimes the lack of but then also the things that stuck out to them and they remembered most. Years of camping is one of them. We started camping when Dylan was just 6 months old so each of them have so many memories of us together at the lake. Lately we have talked about getting rid of the camper. The boys are getting bigger and our time to be able to go is much more limited with activities going on. However, to my amazement each of them said they would rather have this time together than any vacation we could take. This brought on more thought by me. Making the most of my time with them. Creating so many moments of memories that when they sit down to talk to their kids or grand kids someday that they have so many memories that they don't know where to start or end. What will they remember about me? I am lucky in that I have been able to spend my days with my boys. It's not always been easy and yes we have had to make financial sacrifices for me to do so. Choices we made so that I could be home with the boys. They may not have the newest everything and I might buy their clothes and shoes on sale but the memories I pray we are creating will far outweigh the price of those clothes and shoes...it's just "stuff". Stuff that will not make a lasting impact in or on their lives. I pray that me being with them and the opportunities that we have will give them guidance and choices for the rest of their lives. After all I'm not just raising my boys. We are teaching them to be godly men and fathers and most of all a godly example in all that they do! In the blink of an eye it can all be gone. I want the memories to be great. I want them to know how much they are loved and how much I thank God that he let me be their mommy! I'm so proud of each of my boys and the words that I have written here are here for anyone to read but most of all for my boys to have whenever they want or need it.